So You're a Writer

So you’re a writer?

Yeah, you’ve been stewing on this one idea for a while and when you finally get to it, everyone will know what you know — you’re a writer.

You write all the time. I mean, the amount of text messages you send on the daily could fill half the pages of that novel you’ve been thinking about.

Fucking semi-colons? You’ve got that shit locked down; you’re a writer after all. You use — dashes — in your day to day exchanges because most of your pedestrian friends aren’t really readers let alone writers; but you? You’re a writer.

You bought a typewriter. You put it on the shelf to signify to the world that, yeah, you’re a writer. Obviously you don’t use the mechanical marvel to write, though. It’s a metaphorical award from yourself to yourself because no one else has given you an award for your writing because you’ve never written anything. But you’ve got a typewriter gathering dust on your shelf, so yeah, you’re a writer.

The newest Rick and Morty episode is so derivative of something you meant to write seven years ago, honestly, it’s embarrassing for them. Had they known that a story mocking heist movies like Ocean’s Eleven was a concept that you’d been meaning to get to before they thought of it, wrote it, and brought it to fruition, they obviously would have regarded it as your intellectual property and given you the forty-seven years you needed in order to do something with it.

So you’re a writer?

Prove it.