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Buzz Aldrin's Balls

Buzz Aldrin is epic, a hero, but old, He could stand on the moon and let his scrotum unfold. It would fall down from heaven, down through...

I'm Such a Loser - A Poem

I'm such a loser A loser am I I lost all this weight Now I really look fly I lost my virginity Eons ago To a beautiful girl I lost down...

Florida Republicans to Ban Every Book from Schools “Just in Case”

In a statement released to the press Saturday morning, Florida governor Ron DeSantis said, “We have made the moral decision to ban every...

Orson Welles Laserdiscs

What do you call someone watching Orson Welles’ Touch of Evil on laserdisc while eating a bowl of microwave popcorn at 5:35am? I guess...

Brewster

Brewster, I am so grateful that you chose me as your human. You gave me love and company when I felt unworthy of either. You gave me...

Dear Editors

Dear Editors, Here’s the thing: I’m a fucking genius. Every word I type is deliberate and perfect and I’ve never made a typo or put a...

Who the Eff is Parson Brown?

When I was a kid I thought Parson Brown was some celebrity I’d never heard of and that the line in Winter Wonderland was the equivalence...

Espionage

Express yourself. Get it out there. Say something, anything, as long as it’s true. Exist. Despite everything and/or anything against you,...

I'm a Tetris Champion

I won a dollar playing Tetris today. For the uninitiated, the official Tetris app for phones and tablets has nightly contests, and as...

Jimmy Liked Weed - A Poem

Jimmy liked weed and he liked it a lot, And the weed Jimmy liked was the weed we call pot. He smoked it on weekends and often quite more,...

So You're a Writer

So you’re a writer? Yeah, you’ve been stewing on this one idea for a while and when you finally get to it, everyone will know what you...

How to Talk to Your Boomer About Coronavirus and Social Distancing

Boomers are known to be entitled and confused at the best of times, and during this current crisis they may have questions like, “Why...

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